my heart

Meteor

2009-07-08T18:03:00.004+08:00

at home now. no school, miss learning festival and sports carnival :( Ah well, we all have to adapt! Study hard instead!

wonderful song from the anime gundam seed. i always liked it! find it so inspiring!

流星

触れてても冷たい指先
凍り付いた月に照らされて

ひび割れた心が
燃え尽きる夜を抱くけど

一瞬の彼方で煌めいた想いが
愛なら幻にしてみせて

放つ光空に堕ちる
望むだけの熱を捧げて

死に逝く星の生んだ炎が
最期の夢に灼かれているよ

降り積もる罪は優しさに
刺は微笑に変えてゆけるなら

散る間際の花の
届かない叫びにも似た

祈りの儚さが求める切なさが
二人の出逢った時代を揺らす

嘆き光波にのまれ
痛みの中君は目醒めて

傷つけながら出来る絆が
孤独を今描き始める

注ぐ生命刻む羽根で
君よどうか僕を包んで

光はまた空に堕ちる
望むだけの熱を捧げて

崩れ落ちゆく過ちの果て
最期の夢を見続けてるよ

Meteor

They touch, although with icy fingertips
Illuminated by the frozen moon

My flawed heart still embraces the night,
even as it burns out

That feeling that glittered off in the distance for a
split-second - If it's love, I'll try for that vision

The light is freed and falls through the sky,
sacrificing its warmth only for hope

The flame that's born of dying starts burns on in this,
my final dream

If the sin that falls and covers everything turns to kindness,
and if a thorn could become a smile

Like the unheard scream of a flower before it falls

The pain that searches for the fragility of a prayer
stirs the period when the two of us met

The grief and the light are swallowed up by the waves,
and in the midst of all this pain, you awaken

This bond that could be created because we were hurt
is beginning to paint over the loneliness

Pouring my life into this; with whatever wings you have left -
I'm begging you, please wrap me up in them

The light again falls though the sky,
sacrificing its warmth only for hope

This mistake caves in and comes to an end,
and my final dream continues on

danzage

2009-06-18T23:22:00.005+08:00

its been a while since i posted. so many things happened. danzage is over. I'm gonna miss it, but it was certainly a happy experience so i'm happpy! :) hahas, shall share a letter here which i wrote to the dancers!

卸任感言: 88 天的城市人

亲爱的刘老师、现代舞的舞蹈员：

大家好。经历了漫长的时间，终于到了卸任的时候了。或许我将没有机会亲口与你们对话，所以在此与你们分享我内心中的一些话。自己知道并没和所有的人结下深交，所以就如姜子牙钓鱼–––愿者上钩，由你选择是否要读下去。

这一路走来，路很长，高潮迭起。我与现代舞可说有了三次的缘分。第一次。2008的年中，首次踏入现代舞。当时不知为什么，没能够感到很安心和自在地跳舞，感觉一种压迫感，决定离开了。现在后悔，或许太迟了。

第二次。2008年的年底，决定再试一次。没想到，刚好大家正在排练SYF。本来若找到多几位男生，也有可能参加。但没能够找到够人（当然要感谢邓老师和刘老师让我忧机会去尝试），11月底又到中国BSP浸儒，又与现代舞察身而过。但是多亏利盈余等其他舞蹈员的热情对待，让我能够安心融入。

第三次。2009年3 月4日。与邓老师和两位和领导等人辩论一番后，争取了三十秒的演出时间。之后，误打误撞就被排入整只舞里了。从这天到演出当天，算起来，刚好88天。

《城市人》这名字取得真好。恰好和我当时心里的感受一样–––迷茫。真的感觉到自己仿佛是一个迷失的灵魂，盲目地随风而飘；失去了自我，在茫茫人海中的我仿佛是沧海一粟；受到了创伤的心灵就如鸵鸟一般，畏惧着外面的世界。但是，我不甘心就这样下去。我不愿意就被过去所束缚。我想要闯出自己的天堂来。所以，就在《城市人》下了重注，以此作为一个起点改变自己的命运。

88天。几乎每天就跳着舞。时间一天天过去，我对《城市人》的舞越来越了解，跳得越来越好，对于自己的生命也越来越能够体会它的意义，活得越来越快乐。我学到的不只是舞艺，学到的更多是如何待人处事、对自己有了更深刻的了解、还领悟到了人生的一些哲理。我学到不耻下问的重要性–––无论辈分，只要资历比我好的，都要虚心向她学习才能进步。我学到如何对自己要有信心–––无论是在面对他人的冷嘲热讽，或者屡屡失败，都要能够抬起头来做人。我还学到了要如何坚强–––唯有在最黑暗的时候，人的心才能发出最耀眼的光芒。

88天：一天、一个星期、一个月… 我承下去了。因为想要证明只要有恒心，铁棒磨成针；因为对舞蹈有热忱；因为热爱生命。对于舞蹈，我一直是为了爱而跳舞，而带着充满爱的一颗心去跳舞。我相信人人都有能力实现自己的梦想。就比如这次的舞蹈，虽然说我天生身体僵硬、音乐感可能勉强过得去，然而我想信只要更加勤奋练习，也能够成功的。天才也得要学习，没有人生下来就会做事。那么说，一个慢三拍若是比一个天才下多十倍功夫，能不能够造就成为一位努力型的天才？这答案我还不知道，一位毕竟没能够发挥得淋漓尽致，或许在未来能够回答这问题吧。大家在过去的一年里，收获也应该不少吧？希望大家同样也获益不浅。

88天后的我，不再是当初那个迷茫的城市人了。现在的我更快乐、更坚强，更清楚自己的梦想是什么，也知道要如何达成。差不多也是离开这舞蹈学会的时候了。毕竟是有些小小的遗憾，除了在舞艺上未能达到我想要的水准外，更遗憾的是为能够很好地认识每一个成员。尽管如此，总着来说还是非常开心！

快要走了，在这短暂的时间里，没想会留下这么多美好的回忆。身为现代舞的成员之一，看见大家在舞台那出色的表演，还在SYF夺得金牌，真的感到很骄傲。但是更多的回忆不是在台上的时间，而是来自在台下的日子。我会想念和其他的《城市人》舞蹈员一同勤奋练习，会想念和大家一起做地狱般的热身运动，会想念开过挺严肃的团委会议，会想念森美、彦明、文劼、严密等人在闷热的礼堂里或冰冷的舞蹈室里教我舞蹈，会想念和朋友们在食堂里有说有笑地一起吃饭，会想念我们同在一起… 一路来，面对了种种挑战，但是并没有埋怨任何人。反而十分感谢大家坦诚相待，感谢大家在舞蹈方面给予我的帮助和鼓励、也感谢林露、刘佳和几位新认识的好朋友如可芸、美霖、颖洁、诗恩等人让我在现代舞的日子过得更开心！谢谢刘老师和团委在幕前幕后的贡献，打理我们学会的大大小小。当然也要感谢邓老师的关怀与细心教导，但我已经另外亲笔答谢他了，在这就不再多说。若曾经对给何人添麻烦，我在此深表歉意。其实到了此时，我早已经把大家看成一人一样亲密、重要了。这团体和当中的每一个人都在我心中留下了深刻的印象。只可惜天下无不散之筵席。我真的是不舍得离开，日后必定会想念大家。希望以后仍然能保持联络，甚至再次同台演出。祝大家能够继续在舞蹈上尽心尽力，在舞台上跳出忧美的舞蹈，让我们德明舞蹈学会发扬光大！

祝福各位：
梦想成真
天天快乐

德明政府中学
陈铭全启

2009年6月9日

Aspire!

2009-04-04T14:37:00.002+08:00

its not that hard. when you have to do something, when you don't allow yourself any alternatives, you will find a way to achieve you goal. Aspire!

zzz..was thinking about some stuff after buying lunch opposite my house. then started raining ahhh! so had to run home in rain. lols. a symbol that unexpected things always happen? hahas..going to do chem periodic table self study chapter now. ink and paper is so expensive to use!

Champion

2009-03-31T23:08:00.003+08:00

Treating myself as a Champion now. Call me Champion Tan Ming Quan! (: stepped down from sc already, but its more than the tie that makes me an sc, its who i am. hmmm, so mnay thoughts running through myh brain. hahas you can coe ask me if yu are interested~

anyway, neevr thought that i would have problems persevering. but its time to put in the effort! Jiayous to myself!! (:

Dance! Dance! Dance!

2009-03-24T15:05:00.004+08:00

hahas, school work is coming in fast. A levels approaching soon too! but work hard, and play hard as well! a bit more free today cos sick and stuck at home. sianzz. want to get well soon!! but at least still have energy to do some studying. enjoy studying! =D

Annnnddddd..Dance! hahas, finally i'm on the road to fulfilling my dream of dancing. want to explore more kinds of dance. then can compare and pick which one i like best. But i think i got a bit of idea what style i like le (: Hahas, must come watch DHS SH dance concert on 31st May! Details to be out soon ~

Hahas i beginning to read up more and watch more videos on dance (: Here are some pictures of different dances. Note i picked male dancers! Would be nice to have more of my guy friends liking dance! (:

Reachin for Heaven

2009-01-11T11:20:00.001+08:00

All my life
There was just me and my dreams
And the days went tickin’ by
Like the beat of my heart

Spend my nights
Wonderin’ how it would feel
When the waiting would end
And tomorrow would start
Suddenly I see the light
Out of the darkness I’m comin’ alive

So this is how it feels
Reachin’ for heaven
This is how it feels
Kissin’ the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I’m reachin’ for heaven

All this time
I never knew I was so strong
But you made me find the fire
That was there all along
In your eyes
I can see all I can be
Suddenly I want it all
And I know you’ll catch me if ever I fall

So this is how it feels
Reachin’ for heaven
This is how it feels
Kissin’ the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I’m reachin’ for heaven

You alone have shown me
Shining new hope rises now for all
I owe you
It’s my turn to show you

So this is how it feels
Reachin’ for heaven
This is how it feels
Kissin’ the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I’m reachin’ for heaven
Reachin’ for heaven

This is how it feels
Kissin’ the sky
This is what it means
Touching forever
Like a phoenix rising from the flames
I’m reachin’ for heaven
Reachin’ for heaven
Heaven

Understanding

2009-01-05T12:44:00.002+08:00

happy new year! hahas first post of the year, but hey no big deal about it.

I've been thinking a long time, and finally I understood. Its kind of late, but better late than never. Life can have so many complications at times, sometimes you have to disagree to agree, and to express something, you can't say it out, or it loses its meaning. Face the Truth, yet Dream like no one can say no.

I can finally let the matter come to a rest, and stop thinking for a long while...

Fight.

2008-12-27T10:52:00.006+08:00

Christmas has just come and past, merry christmas to everyone! (: Hope you are enjoying the holidays! hahas had a great time going vivo to hang out and watch twilight with kian hong and zhenwei! Nice dinner with zuxin yesterday! I do however want to emphaize the words below, so that sthe end of the brief intro of these 2 days.

There is no definite answer to anything. In life, we all search for the answers to our never ending questions. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? I can't answer for sure. But I have found meaning in my life. Yet, in everyone's pursuits, sometimes we work together, sometimes we don't, sometimes we even work against each other. But aren't we all in pursuit of the same goal? Don't we all want to be happy? To be satisfied?

There are times when we must fight, even if it means sacrifice. Is that why there is war? Perhaps. The reason I am mentioning here is in particular, faith. Together with belief, we need strength., as we go in pursuit of our goals. There is freedom within fixed boundaries. There is rhythm within chaos. There is something within another. Nothing can ever be complete. But regardless of that, we fight. We strive for something we believe in.

As 2008 approaches an end, I dare say that I am happier, and stronger. I have gained new strengths, and confronted old fears. In this endless cycle, I see the light. I see a cause worth fighting for. I sincerely hope that everyone else does too. Thanks to all those whom have supported me all this while, I hope we all achieve our goals.

In the upcoming new year of 2009, Fight on.

With Love,
Ming Quan

Second Chance

2008-11-29T01:46:00.002+08:00

hahas, finally here to blog again. i shall blog in my own free time as i please, rather than just compelled to blog for blogging's ake. its 1 47 am now. wow. tmr going to chongming island. shanghai has been wonderful these 2 weeks, hope it wun be my last bsp trip! having a great time here!

been thinking about lots of stuff, and trying out new stuff too. Its so much better when you open your heart, i think its time to trust, again. We all deserve a second chance! :)

back

2008-10-17T22:35:00.002+08:00

hey i'm back!

shall be blogging gradually more often now! recently got back results, not bad lah. but can improve, got to jiayous!

hahas, recently went out quite a lot. and realised so many things. grew up so much. anyway went out with CO gang to teoh heng recently and showed off my enw and improved singing! trash kuei fu. heh (: thanks zhen wei!

went to seaside with zuxin today. jiayous my friend! get back your fighting spirit!

mmm, loking forward to more involvement in dance. and juniors will be in too! (:

and recently fascinated with a anime rourini kenchin. hahas spell wrongly. anyway shall get new blogskin on it if i have time!

smiles (:

2008-08-14T23:26:00.002+08:00

its been a fulfilling week. it was busy but it was not stressful. everyday opens up new possibilities. and i feel happier each day.

and one thing i have learnt: take things naturally.

2008-08-05T23:16:00.003+08:00

1 more month to teachers' day. i'm learning so much lately. not only through sc, but in every day life as well.

everyday i look back at how i was, and i know i am stronger and happier now. sometimes i still brood over sad things in the past, but we've got the present to live for and the future to look forward to!

results are improving, yays! hhaa. today went out with class guys for lunch at ghim moh. hahas (: and thanks kian hong for being scuh a nice friend to me! been havging out with u so much recently. and oh yeah stuffed myself with lunch today and forgot about mass pe! thankfully only ran two rounds. and kian hong stiill want to stuff me with soya tart -.- but thanks for the treat! heh heh.

i wanna play a good game of vball! palau tekong tmr! hope can see dear zuxin there! haha! =D

2008-07-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

dedicating myself to SC.

2008-06-28T10:35:00.002+08:00

woah whole body aching today! yesterday's dance was great! hahas although now ahve so many people, i feel lack of mirror space le! and it was hot hot hot, actually took a brief rinse during the break. =D hahas it was funny doing isolation with the kangraoo on my shirt, was moving and moving so cute. we did strawberry bounce XD and a bit of lyrical hip hop with too late apologise by timbaland. cool man! can't wait for next session~~~~~ and watch out for our concert guys!

living a fulfilling life

2008-06-27T23:32:00.001+08:00

living a fulfilling life :) count my blessings!

谢谢你。

FAMILY

2008-06-21T18:53:00.003+08:00

i'm back from camp! SC Survivor Kuala Lipis rocked! SC, my Family.

hahas i'm really going to concentrate on my work now. so maybe goodbye to MSN for a while. perhaps blog going on hiatus too? got to think about that. so yep, see ya all again~

FAMILY!
once a family, always a family

happy fathers' day

2008-06-15T23:18:00.005+08:00

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY! to daddy! and fathers all around the world! hahas maybe i will be on in the future too? hope so hahas.

anwyay sc camp tmr. i'm joining them on tues, at train station. hahas :)

i find some quotes meaningful.

"Open your heart."

"You cannot simply behave and respond however you happen to feel that day. To love someone, you must deliberately and wisely choose what you do and how you respond. When you make your partner more important than how you feel, you will feel more love and connection.

Love is more than just a feeling. Love is an overriding attitude that manages and organises what we choose to do and how we choose to respond in the service of those whom we care. Ultimately, we should not give love to get what we need. Instead, love is its own reward."

2008-06-14T23:44:00.002+08:00

HAPPY! =D

kuala lipis! here i come~~~

i kup from grace de. ahhas ego junior.

back!

2008-06-13T23:36:00.001+08:00

back from beijing! i'm no longer the same, and i'm happier with the new me (:

cherish everyday!

for me

2008-06-03T18:36:00.002+08:00

Moments

thanks to my friends whom are reading this post. i would like to dedicate this to those whom care.

its time i started living for myself, and stop punishing myself for not being good enough. ms tan is right. and i took the word focus to another level, to focus not only on what i am doing, but to focus on what matters to help me achieve on my goal. there's no point worrying too much about things we cannot control. instead of control, like mr teoh says, controling our feelings and thoughts seems so unnatural, instead we should learn to manage them.

everytime i start to think about the wrongs i have done, and punish myself mentally without knowing it, i tell myself that in order for me to love others, i must first love myself. and to love myself means to be happy and to protect myself and seek the best i can for myself, and at the same time let others feel the same.

listening to a song titled, "a song is born". i feel reborn. love and be loved. i discovered so many friends around me, people whom care, and in turn i care about them. for those i care most about, i would do anything just s they could be happy, but now i must add on somehting to that, only if i do not hurt myself in the process.

be happy together. this is for you, for us, and for me <3

jiayous

2008-05-31T23:19:00.000+08:00

thesis, teachers' day, year 4 inaugration. studies!

LOLS. jiayous ming quan!

i don't care no more

2008-05-28T16:45:00.005+08:00

rarrrrrr! release!

hahahs, releasng energy perhaps. the teachers left yesterday. new teacehrs came. i sitll can't get the address right, grrr.

listening to a ayumi hamasaki live concert dvd. and watching also. hahas dun unds what she singing, but sitll enjoy lah. i jsut want songs lols. new songs i need. chi songs i a bit sian le. its like rock and roll a bit. but call it j pop better bah. hmm soem person playing a guitar with two umm stems? hahas whatever u call that. looks cool.

drowning myself in music

its so cool to sing and dance at the same time. i practicing both ahhas, invdividually, not together of course. perhaps one day i can do that.

i don't want to think no more.

oh man ayumi hamasaki is so cool. actually wi would say most ppl whomc ans ing and dance would be cool. hahas, ooh hen wei commented she's not pretty. i think she is. hmm lol!

going to go for a run later.

dancing tmr maybe, see if have time!

RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the day shall come when i shall be be able to express myself well. in the way i want. oh my gosh hahas! i tink i liking this new singer le. since china cds are so cheap. maybe shall buy all her albums! hahas guy singers like fewer leh, harder to find those i like.

SHUT UP! i don't want to think no more.

happiness

2008-05-26T23:27:00.002+08:00

happiness is a choice. we are responisble for our own happiness. no one esle can make us happy or unhappy. we are not responsible for other's happiness, although we can try to make others feel more comfortable to be happy.

we need to care for ourselves before we can care for others. love ourselves and others. don't just love others or yourself.

its really different living in a community with others. we get to know each other so much rmoe than just interacting in school. and we show more of ourselves. it is really a good time to imrpove on ourselves.

its a rare opportunity to go overseas, we should value our time there, explore and live the life of hte ppl. experience.

today we went to bei da. took a tour and chatted with the singaporean students. we also visited lao she's cha guan. nice performance (: really lifted my spirits. so tired now, hahas, maybe shall go chat with ms lin...

growing up is painful. just like ms tan says. but i am glad to say i am growing up, even though it hurts.

good night :)

2008-05-24T20:08:00.002+08:00

i'm not feeling that good. i'mm missing singapore. or am i jus missing the comfort of a life i am used to?

thanks yao lu and cynthia for istening to my troubles yesterday and cheering me up. sry zhen wei i've been mean to u.

is it all thta impt to maintain a good image? shldn't it come naturally?

heard that open house was successful. good job!

darn i need to get back i control. my thesis is waiitng.

2008-05-21T16:07:00.002+08:00

anger

sadness

fear

regret

love

i still lose cnotrol of msyelf at times. sometimes i jus let out my bad side. sometimes i am just so mean and rude and disrespectful and irresponsible. well its time for me to right some wrongs now! :D

2008-05-18T14:11:00.002+08:00

i'm in beijing now. at least i have my laptop and msn. can't aassess my email and blogs, not even my own. grrr

a bit tired. but i really hopethis trip will be a fun one and i will try my best to make it so.

the internet beter get beter!

2008-05-14T23:22:00.004+08:00

hahas was looking for something inspiring, but penguins quite cute :D

my head is clearing up now. i guess i really needed a full time out from you. reflecting reflecting.

life goes on no matter what happens, even if it has to drag us screaming along the way. this is about making things last. so i shall keep my heart going on at a suitable pace :D

it was nice going home with u guys today by the way! yong liang don't be sad anymore, go go go!

exams! hahas jiayous everyone!

2008-05-13T20:36:00.002+08:00

today was GP and CSC tests. really hope i didn't go out of point for essays. we wrote till hand numb lah lols! everyone was like laughing sadistically!

went home with sam-mantha AH SAM lols.. ok stop poking fun at u le. and wynne and yi fan today. chatted and played hangman,. they siao ah so pro.

been thinking todya, things strarting to make sense. its hurtds a bit to face the truth, but its gonna be worse if i don't. its part of the healing process. hahas jiayous! all the way~

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!

2008-05-11T22:51:00.001+08:00

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE! I LOVE YOU! (:

i gave mum a simple card. hahas.

so what did you ppl do for mothers' day?

2008-05-11T12:27:00.003+08:00

next week is common test week. i dun feel ready.

i've got to put myself into optimal studying mode

i counted, its been 9 years. 9 years of being misunderstood. 9 years of tears. 9 years of building up a facade.

999. perhaps someone call the police lols.

guess i build up optimism along with the facade. the hope for a better tomorrow (:

2008-05-09T23:41:00.002+08:00

hhas sorry to my readers if i am boring you out. shall write more itnereting posts for u all and some daily happenings as well.

i've thinking a bit some more. this is not the end, but its a test of friendship. we will make it through together! we will treasure each other more and understand each other better. and somewhere down the road, months or years later, we will be laughing at our foolishness and hahas be better friends! :)

about us now

2008-05-09T22:26:00.003+08:00

studying going on quite well. i've got to relax. its gonna be a hard time for me, going to tackle problems with family, friends and studies all at once. but i shall coem out of it a stronger and happier person. hahas, kinda quote from val. u've been a encouraging friend for this time! thanks for being there :)

JIAYOUS! and juniors have fun for level camp! :)

about you now

It was so easy that night.
Should've been strong,
yeah i lied.
Nobody gets me like you.

Couldn't keep hold of you then,
How could i know what you meant,
There was nothing to compare to.

I know everything changes, all the cities and faces.
But i know how i feel about you.

There's a mountain between us,
But there's conflict i'm sure of,
how i feel about you.

Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.

All that it takes, one more chance.
Don't let our last kiss be our last.
Give me tonight and i'll show you.

I know everything changes,
i dont care where it takes us.
Cause i know how i feel about you.

Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.

Not a day passed me by, not a day passed me by.
When i dont think about you.
And theres no moving on,
cause i know you're the one.And i can't be without you.

Can we bring yesterday back around?
Cause i know how i feel about you now.
I was dumb, i was wrong, i let you down.
But i know how i feel about you now.

But i know how i feel about you now.
Yeah i know how i feel about you now.

2008-05-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

bao jia's right.

things aren't over yet. its still going on! :)

SORRY

2008-05-08T18:39:00.002+08:00

SORRY

Oh i had alot to say
Was thinking on my time away
I miss you and things weren't the same
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when i see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry i'm bad,
i'm sorry i'm blue
I'm sorry about all the things i said to you
And i know i can't take it back
I love how you kiss,i love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And i just wanted to say i'm sorry.

This time i think i'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame'
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when i see you cry it makes me wanna die.

I'm sorry i'm bad,
i'm sorry i'm blue
I'm sorry about all the things i said to you
And i know i can't take it back
I love how you kiss,i love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And i just wanted to say i'm sorry.

Every single day i think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah Sorry!

I'm sorry i'm bad,
i'm sorry i'm blue
I'm sorry about all the things i said to you
And i know i can't take it back
I love how you kiss,i love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go 'round
And i just wanted to say i'm sorry.
I'm sorry baby.
I'm sorry baby.
I'm sorry.

it took me years to understand how things could be better for me. and i'm sorry to those whom i hurt along the way

2008-05-06T23:13:00.002+08:00

today went by. quite peacefully. went home with tze lin and li mei after mass pe. played tennis during mass pe with kian hong.

i don't think i'm ready for common test week yet. got to jiayous! (:

2008-05-05T21:36:00.002+08:00

i cried the whole day.

thanks yao lu, weicheng, zhen wei, kian hong and all my friends whom stood by me. thanks mr tang, too. thanks mr tiah and mr teoh for not saying anything and let me continue with class quietly despite me crying. thanks jean, jeanette, geraldine and yuan lin too. its been nice having u ppl around for recess when the others are gone. although u didn't specifically wait for me. thanks jessie too. thanks ting wei for the nice smile, and jin wen as well. thanks baojia for talking on msn. thanks xin wei for caring.

thanks pam for the nice and long chat on way home.

sory to all those ppl whom i showed a angry face to. i dun mean it. sorry if i made u misunderstand.

so many friends. who care as well. i will go on.

i dun want to read ur blog now, perhaps not for a while. we have to see each other again tmr. i dunnno.

2008-05-04T22:21:00.005+08:00

jus dyed my dad's hair black. our parents are getting old! :( i don't want daddy and mummy to get old so soon.

watched a bit fo the last samurai. i am a person whom will persevere all the way. you know it :)

2008-05-04T15:09:00.003+08:00

hahas kup this from ting wei! ooo nv knew she's tongwei's sister!

A: very very easy to fall in love with.
B: gay
C: can be funny & dumb at the same time
D: never let people tell you what you do
E: freaking hottttt
F: very strong hands
G: has a smile to die for
H: has a smile to die for
I: beautiful
J: very good shagger
K: makes people laugh
L: crazy
M: very very hot
N: has one of the best personalities ever
O: popular with all sorts of people
P: an animal lover
Q: ugly
R: a very good kisser
S: has beautiful eyes
T: is BANGABLE
U: judgemental
V: doesn't give a shit
W: loves it
X: great kisser
Y: very nice
Z: is easy to fall in love

T: is BANGABLE A: very very easy to fall in love with.
N: has one of the best personalities ever

M: very very hot
I: beautiful
N: has one of the best personalities ever
G: has a smile to die for

Q: ugly
U: judgemental
A: very very easy to fall in love with.
N: has one of the best personalities ever

WTH! hahas ugly?! but at least i'm very very hot. very very easy to fall in love with. N: has one of the best personalities ever X3 times! and whats BANGABLE?!

2008-05-04T15:06:00.000+08:00

just like val says, i'm gonna walk away from this stronger. i already am! :)

i'm king

2008-05-04T13:41:00.002+08:00

heh, looks like king right? jiahui took this photo for me on some wednesday afternoon hahas. dunno how come the banana is behind my face haas

shun ying, pat, shea jean and shu jun (wah 3 names start with "s") just came my house to do PW. hahas quite productive, although we crapped a lot on msn! hahas (:

2008-05-03T16:07:00.003+08:00

still, sad times will past just like happy ones do.

felt better after letting it out. but i do hope everything gets turns out well soon.

till then. try to smile! :)

2008-05-03T10:33:00.002+08:00

stop saying ppl in the past had 24 hrs to. they led a different life frm us. things can be compensated for, but they aren't the same. they had a different education system from us, including school hours and homework. they had a different value systemfrom us. they had a different society from us. stop that shit about the same 24 hours.

its my life. i'm tired and i don't want to go on anymore. i just want time to stop and let me take a rest. i know others might be working harder than me and they are putting in more effort. stop comparing lah damn it. i'm me. they are them. we are NOT THE SAME!

2 weeks. i have to last through these 2 weeks. i'm dragging myself physically and mentally to my tasks. my responsibilities. my set of principles are changing, some things matter less and i care less.

shut up.

its up to me now. i am not alone, but i don't want to burden others with me. i'm sad and i'm angry and i'm tired.

i will be happy soon though.

i wanted to put a song here. but i can't rmb what.

i want to put up some pictures but some things aren't meant to be shared like this. i don't want to open my photo album anyway.

its back to work. at least it something i can be sure of.

---------------

i'm going to this for my family. for the friends whom care. for me.

i know.

thats how you know (:

2008-05-02T22:46:00.001+08:00

went shopping with dad and mum yesterday! bought a piar of track pants. a piar of shoes. hahas a piar sounds nice leh! (:

found another pair of shoes i like but out of stock for my size. awww. its worth sacrifcing almsot anything for family! :)

2008-05-02T21:58:00.002+08:00

i'm tired. physically.

it feels great to be in control. i amde some decisions today, and i was feeling so stressed at first, but after i realised i believed in what i was doing, it immediately became fine.

[layed tennis duirng pe with the guys today! so fun (: kept laughing and laughing. hahas i was quite lan, at first keep on missing balls or hitting over the roof top (oops) out of the schoool leh. den weicheng kept on joking i gonna hit the old auntie cleaning the window or watering the plants and she wun't even know what hit her. LOL!

nahh i never hit so hard ok! just angel too wide. but really had fun today. got the hang of it. oh and bao jia's tennis balls are attracted to me. den i keep on hitting near her too! and hahas the guys say i aim for vital spots ;) anyway i can serve and receive balls better too! softly does it. control!

had fire drill today. thanks val for cheering me up. so many ppl keep telling me there are friends out there whom care for me. i know its true. but just somehow its kinda not normal tohave so many ppl saying the same thing to me jus coincidentally. i got over my emo mood.

i studied hard for bio. got 10.5 over 20. oh my gosh. damn it, i failed me and myy parents. they let me go on sc trip some more! =) and at same time =(

got to work harder. i'm tired.

dance was great! today i observed hamza carefully. analysed his moves isntead of wow-ing. that was thanks to june';s advice. control, that tze lin's advice. i did so much better today, prioud pof myself. tzelin was great as usual hahas, but she put in lots of effort to become so good! tache or how to spell her name, from yr 4, got called up with tze lin to perform with hamza the dance in front of us. i really had fun hahas.

after that went home. ir rather slacked around. went to visit guzxheng juniors. then went to D and D room whr the yr 4 girls and guys were, danced a bit and talked. talked a while with amanda in foyer, don't be upset lah amanda! chher up and be positive! (= hahas went home with jie yi, michelle and esther. jie yi and i got off mrt to wait for the slow pokes. hahsa den we chatted and played with jie yi's phone. it was nice going home with you mall. took bus home with esther and chatted some more :)

i wanan go eds night tmr. but then again, i need to work ahrder for my studies. and keep my mid-term goals in mind. sc trip done, now left with learning dance at oschool. and of cos getting goo grades is perpetual goal!

i need to rest. strectching myself is one thing, but i have got to keep myself from getting to stressed. stay in control :)

back in order

2008-05-01T10:48:00.002+08:00

putting my life back in order. especially the family component.

i dunno why things turned out this way, perhaps i used unnatural methods, so thats why i have to use the same way to put things back.

gonna play com for a while, after many mnths abstinence. cos i know i can control it (:
not going out with zuxin and xiu rong today, gonna miss u all! sorry, but yeah i need to rest, study and think :) have fun!

and jiayous CS ppl!

2008-04-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

If you can't hold on

sometimes we have to let go. it doesn't mean giving up, but settling for something more suitable instead (:

hot!

2008-04-30T20:47:00.003+08:00

jus had dinner, drenched in sweat now. ok i sweat more easily cos i'm a sports person, i think thats why, cos need to ventilate mah hahas, keep body cool. anyway its been HOT HOT HOT lately. and hmid too. now i open the windows and turn on the fan when i am sleeping.

rarr...i am totally covered in sweat. and its not dirty sweat ok. i jus bathed not long ago. ok this is bad! i mean after bathing i'm still feeling so hot. eh, whats up lah?

hahas

2008-04-30T18:23:00.002+08:00

i talked to miss tany chia our school ounsellor today. was passing her an apple for the EAS day. so chatted abt tian ji. den abt me. i said some stuff out taht i knew abt myself. and i jus ain't satisfied with life right now, i want more. perhaps i shall aim to be happy awhile pursuing my goals?

i'm tired. but still hanging on. those grades are goonna be worth it. as for social life, well it will get by.

the world doesn't stop spinning. life goes on.

tired

2008-04-29T22:09:00.001+08:00

hahas so tired. today could barely open eyse. but today i was confident. and dispalyed it too (: lessons dragged by, and had mass PE. played table tennis with frens, its all about control.

smile (:

2008-04-28T20:08:00.003+08:00

hahas, hey i'm smiling again (:

mmm, what i really need is to reach a long time consensus, not a momentary peace hahas. something jus makes sense now. it FEELS right.

i know what to do now.

hmmm, love you (:

It Will Be Me

2008-04-28T18:02:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwEefk0TzBk&feature=related

It Will Be Me

If you hear a voice,
In the middle of the night,
Saying it'll be all right,
It will be me.

If you feel a hand,
Guiding you along,
When the path seems wrong,
It will be me.

There is no mountain that I can't climb,
For you I'd swim through the rivers of time,
As you go your way, and I go mine,
A light will shine, and It will be me.

If there is a key that goes to your heart,
A special part, it will be me.
If you need a friend, call out to the wind,
To hold you again, it will be me.

Oh, how the world seems so unfair,
Creating a love that cannot be shared,
As you go your way, and I go mine.
A light will shine, And it will be me.

I see ever after,
There's a place for two,
In your tears and laughter,
I'll be there for you.

In the sun and the moon,
In the land and the sea,
Look all around you,
It will be mine.

There is no mountain that I can't climb,
For you I'd swim through the rivers of time,
As you go your way, and I go mine,
A light will shine, and It will be me.

It will be me... it will be me.

dedicated to you

DAMN IT

2008-04-28T14:33:00.004+08:00

i'm on the brink of tears. or rather i was.

recetnly watching youtube more and more. especially since after yesterday. just watched a video of pcd. i just want to lose myself in something. dance perhaps. studies? books?

make the hurt go away. i don't know why i still think of you. perhaps its because i gave my whole heart to you my friend. i trusted you with everything. no this isn't betrayal, but i can't name what it is.

some days i really get myself up, but other days i just lose myself again. i think of you every day. and don't think you are the only one, you are not the only one. i think of quite a number of my friends every day. i know there are others whom care about me, but you are one of the few whom really reached into my heart, and whose heart i reached into. and its in my character to give things a good ending, i don't like cliff hangers. but yes i miss you.

damn it. what do you want?! can you stop running away? do you not dare face me, or do you not dare face yourself? you can run away from me, but you can't run away from your heart. thank you for trying to protect this friendship, but some things don't just go away if you leave them buried. DAMN IT. and yeah thats whats left on your msn nickname ever since you blocked me. i dunno if you don;t want to hurt me nor be mean, but u certainly are hurting me.

I am sorry for not caring for you in the right way.

why can't we face it together? what are you trying to do? this aint some romance fiction story. this is friendship in real life. why make it so complicated?

i'm willing to be hurt just so that you wun be unhappy. but we can BOTH be happy?

i have my limits, and i don't know when i will reach it.

i'm not blaming you. just can't we find a way out? Whats the PURPOSE of me leaving you alone?

you brought me out of depression, are you going to be the one to bring me in again. i don't think so.

people don't just touch each others' hearts and then distance apart.

I care. You care too. We both know we care. so please let us work this out together.

Remember our promise of true friends forever?

here's one a song, its from the pcd whom you like, or rather you did the last time you told me. its entitled, "stick with you"

2008-04-28T13:44:00.001+08:00

better to take the risk and live and die being alive, then live a comfortable life being dead
thats what i feel. but do i feel strongly enough to take the risk?

songs

2008-04-27T15:09:00.005+08:00

2008-04-27T11:33:00.003+08:00

ha! i just danced =D

paretns were out. so i turned on the radio (soudns like a song) and did hamza's warm ups.. den did the dance i elarnt on fri. and den did the kaleidoscpoe one. oh man...i only rmb 2 dances. the others are in bits and pieces. recently started writing down the dances i elarnt, and filed away!

hahas feels great. the BEAT! i can catch it so much easier now. and in dance, its not just the body moving, u've got to work your mind too! after that i was like super warmed up and superhigh. went to you tube to watch some videos. hahahs, since i was hyper mode and super learning mode, tried to copy a few moves, felt great. too bad no mirror in front of come. went to hall, hahas looked not bad eh. i sitll a bit scared of dancing in public hahas, but taht shall pass!

i'm so high! i feel so confident right now.

perhaps i shld do this every sunday! =D and hahas got to work ahrd for studies! want to go sc trip with jnrs and go ler dance at o school. now i have 2 goals :D

2008-04-26T23:44:00.003+08:00

i haven't posted much pictures or songs lately. was listening to 98.7. heard quite a number of good english songs. made me feel a whole lot better, here's one. and ooh , i lok at songs by lyrics as well hahas, plus the feeling they give me

Fall for You
The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over againDon't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failedBut I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for youOver againDon't make me change my mindOr I wont live to see another dayI swear it's trueBecause a girl like you is impossible to findIt's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep

2008-04-26T20:49:00.002+08:00

today was bad.

i woke up feeling tired and ehadache. but at least ahd fun during csc workshop. got ticked off by ms hong lan for being late. i guess i am selfish at times. selfless at others.

after that had lunch with parents. meet quite a few dunmanians, but din go home with them. oh yeah went back with xin yi. yesterday i went back with yr 3 eds dancers. went to library today.

went home. went opp house to cut hair, laminate chem periodic table and buy printer cartidge. darn i shld have bought my track pants and shoes today. had nap. long nap. 4 hrs i think.

woke up half way. i cried. i didn't know i cared so much still, i don't want to acknowledge the fact. i thought by not thinking it was enough to make it go awat, but i care more than ever. i cried like i never did for a long time. thought of doing some stuff, shld i?

its 4 projects now. plus studis. my heart level at another low. i dunno what i wld do if not for my family being always tehre for me. xr and zx, u 2 friends have been there for me for so long. thanks alot.

and hey friend, i don't know if what i am doing is enough. but as long as there is hope, and there is a will, there is away. my heart goes on..

dance!

2008-04-25T21:42:00.002+08:00

hahas, today had napfa 5 items. 47 sit ups, stand broad jump 256, chin ups 10, shuttle run 9.1, 2.4 km back then was 10:02. but sit and reach was 47. need above 48 for A. ah, there goes my 30 marks! nvm, i got gold with 29 marks, yippee! maybe shall retest or perhaps next yr then try again. got to stretch!

after schoool ahd dance! i got 10 yr 4s, hahas. chak and 3 guy friends. tricia with 2 friends, pamela with stepahnie and vanessa. mmm, too bad the girls ahd to leave earlier for hamlet play. frankly i quite interested in watching if its really a realistic play.

dance was great! :D we all had fun, hope top see u all again! i really enjoyed myself, grooving to the beat.

=D

control, love, trust, hope

2008-04-24T23:05:00.002+08:00

so many of the words i really believe in.

today morning i lost control of my emotions, sorry to all those i gave a black face to and dao-ed. esp thanks amanda for that smile during recess, hahas since we classmates, maybe we cna become better friends.t ahnks KH for tolerating me as usual. plus i realised i kinda irritating habit of hitting ppl. much elss, but yeah gonna stop it.

and all teh way till chem. sth wrong with chemicals. is witched about 5 sets, did about 8 experiments, before finally successful. i was going to give up, very desperate and tried. but i gave my best. reminds me of during SC internal comm selection, never say die! finally i did it!

i felt so happy. so reliveved. i tried so ahr dand my efforts paid off! and my mood lifted as well :D hey friend out there, i'm not doubting nor giving up our friendship okay! we shall make it through this hurdle!

maths test was reasonable. 80% shld be can. man results not good enouhg to go m'asia with SCs. YET. i'm gonna keep trying.

went ACJC to help SH EDS. wen tiwth gabriel. eds included mr ken, jing chen, wyne, samantha, and a few other ppl i too tried to recall na,e. went home with shu jun and friend madeline.

its nice to know some friends will always be there for me. i'm gonna stay postive! :) dance tmr yipee! called quite a few friends :) see ya all tmr!

2008-04-21T21:51:00.001+08:00

patience.

live for myself

2008-04-20T10:49:00.002+08:00

i have been trying hard to live for myself. but come to think of it, isn't that what i have been doing all along? i mean i can be happy for others, i can be sad for otehrs too, i can be happy because of others, but i can be sad because of others too.

somehow i feel the anger ever there. sometimes i lose control, i try not to show it. sometimes the sadness and anger overwhelms me and drains me out. at other times, which are getting more and more frequent now, i stay in control, and be happy or normal.

i do always stay positive and remain optimistic. evena t my lowest point, i know i will be fine again in time to come. today is going to be homework day. perhaps my moods might go roller coaster again. i shall not take it out on my family no matter what. i promise to try my best.

i'm channeling my emotions into work. and during leisure, books and films/shows. besdies my family, is there really no one whom can understand what i am feeling? and be able to spend time with me?

is there someone out there?

i can't believe i'm actually losing so much control. but i know i am getting better. i have always been getting better.

my heart yearns for a friend whom can understand me and spend time with me.

is it so hard?

i can't always be who you want me to be. damn it. why can't people be sincere with their words?

serious

2008-04-19T23:37:00.001+08:00

stduies. non-academic projetcs. my goals.

its time for serious work, and love and passion shall drive me on

1st short term goal: get good results and learn dance at oschool!

LOVELY DAY

2008-04-18T22:56:00.003+08:00

it was a nice day overall.

PE 2.4 km run i got 10:02. gosh, so much slower than 41 during mock run. thanks everyone for your encouragement! really boosted my performance! :) i had cough,s o wasn't so good today, and i kept on feeling hwan joon hot on my heels, i like to be first, i dun like to lose, so i pressed on. felt totally in place. running. the track is part of where i belong. after running chatted with many people, felt great =D

i finally understood bio duing bio lab experiment, and den the MTBI thing, den even though dance was cancelled, i had fun with friends, and hawoots~ guess i needed hands on and a real image of the choromosomes and stuff.

my MBTI personality test is ESFJ, or a bit like ISFJ also. got chosen as an example for ESFJ ahhas, the speaker chose all guys. hahas but yeah i extrovert according to test. and supposed to be auntie and gossipy. gossipy i am not., househusband material..hmmm i wouldn't specially go be househusband, but i dun think its that bad alh, but sitll would like to work! :D and saying i would gladly sacrifice myself for others. thats true. especially for those i love and care about!

after that, dance was cancelled! oh no! sorry trish and your friends! hope to see u all during open class next time too. hmm yl coulnd't make it today, actuallly can, but anyway dance cancelled lah. lols. sad, no dance!

anyway rui xian came along and cheered me up while i was brooding over some stuff. thanks loads man! had IA meeting. so many stuff to do. put school stamp on like 600 cards! rui xian helped too~

anyway, had fun in CO with my jnrs! went to do hw in the same room as they were having practice. afterwards dropped by the other room, helped shi yun to fen them. wah, thanks yr 4s for helping out! especially esther and shi yun! you all are sooo dedicate dman :D good job! hahas anyway it was nice fen-ing the juniors with shi yun, i haven't donte much of it before, might be doing more in the future. went home with guzheng peeps too , shu qi, jie yi, zhen ting and jolin. talked abt SC to shu qi on mrt, she's a nice junior.

:D happy day! hahas, and i am really glad i was patient man! i really need to build up on my patience. thanks!

tmr after csc workshop, looking forward to having dinner with guzheng ppl! :D

breakfast

2008-04-17T17:27:00.000+08:00

on a lighter note, had breakfast at ghim moh with mabel today. chee chong fan for me and butterfly bun for her hahas. maybe can get whole SC go next time.

so relaxing to stroll there, eat slowly, chat and stroll back. mmm :)

jiayous for VBALL! hahas~

2008-04-17T17:17:00.002+08:00

sometimes things can't be direct. u might have to go in the opposite direction to achieve your goal, less is more, right is wrong, agreeing is disagreeing...

i know my family will always be there for me. i am more independent now. i know which friends will be there for me too. my work will be there for me.

i'm going to indulge in work and enjoy myself.

i don't know why you turned your head around.

SC

2008-04-16T23:13:00.002+08:00

SC today!

went to millennia institute with tze lin and yan chun for investiture. wasn't that lively, but the ppl there were great!

SC meeting! yun xiu and i chaired the investiture review. or ratehr i did. yun xiu! lols why u never talkkkkkk! rarr. anw, mabel said i did well today yay! u did well too mabel! IA planing outing and birthday celebrations too.

had dinner with shi xun, yu ru, mabel, joel, june, tze lin and yan chun. great fun with u all mans! cabbed home with june mabel yu ru. ehh sc exco 2006-2007 outing soon!!

felt great today, didn';t emo much also hahas, really ejoyed myself and just thought of that moment only.

LOVE you all SCs!

tired

2008-04-15T21:56:00.001+08:00

tired. still sick. i smiled this morning :) pe made me feel better too. tired...but oits worth it. bio essay was a breeze. thanks xr for our short phone chat

from a book,

The Food for Love

share happiness

2008-04-13T23:00:00.001+08:00

i feel happiness is a choice

i wish i could spread my love and happiness with everyone

i wish i could make my friends happy

and you too!

can you feel the love and happiness i am sharing with you? (:

2008-04-13T13:01:00.002+08:00

just had porridge for lunch. feeling a little tired now, and kinda losing focus. got to go do CSC! or maybe i shall take a nap hahas.

i really want to go out and enjoy myself with friends. but then again, thats not my lifestyle is it?

i wonder..

dancing on sunday morning

2008-04-13T09:56:00.002+08:00

mmm morning woke up saw xiu rong's sms and smiled hahas. really should chat with her soon! and dad commented i was happy. hahahas i guess i was eh.

anyway since my parents were out, i decided to dance! dancing on sunday morning~ hahas, i guess i still a bit uncomfortable dancing in front of people hahas. i got a big big mirror in my hall though! and i find my technique improving le!

i want more moveesss! maybe shall go youtube. hahas~ on the other hand, for long term benefits, go study! get good results and go learn dance! yay~~

DANCING my life :)

family

2008-04-12T22:39:00.003+08:00

i love my family.

feel like being physically beside some of my good and close friends. actuallya ny one or any few would do.

shall go sit beside my family later. we all calmed down a bit. my bro going off for NS soon. lately he working shifts because of Mas Selamat. lols he better get caught soon man.

life goes on, and i go on with it

a calm mind

2008-04-12T22:07:00.002+08:00

studied a lot todya. did some chemistry. and at least 6 hours of biology, actually more than that i know. i woke up, watched tv, studied, ate lunch, studied, slept, studied, ate dinner, studied again.

4 tets next week, bio, chem, csc and GP. bio i finished copying out all the essay answers we were supposed to rpepare, chem almsot done, csc gonna do teh practice paper tmr. gotta pia! GP well if have time practice a bit. i really want to get good results and go learn dance!

doing a bit of reading these days.

on thurs, went home with carrie and crystal. talked to mrt. at mrt, met kian hong and kuei fu, so went home with them. along the way, passed by a couple, ahhas they from dhs and i finally know which girl the guy is with le. talked quite abit with kh and kf on way home. then went to see doctor, still sneezing and coughing a bit now, throat much better le.

and fri had 2.4, i didn't run, went to sick bay instead. haii..got to get well soon! :) as for bio SPA, much better than the mock one, i could memorise and write out msot of the answers. kinda scary during experiment, but managed to get results in the end.

had cca also. studied a bit before that, happened to meet si ya and well i studied and she played her psp, at the wooden bench at the canteen side. had some sun, i like the sun.

i went to see guzheng fen zu. and after that tried to settle some matters. had some progress. hahas thanks si ya for the small chat before that, and trying to comfort/cool me down.

my family is getting agitated now. trying not to let it affect me. why can't we all talk softly, even me, i just shout, stop myself and speak softer. CONTROL.

i feel more calm now. i know i can believe in myself, my family and studies, friends mostly. i wonder when can i find a really like-minded friend and have a sustainable friendship.

somtimes we have to let go to hold on. and although they say friends don't have to recipocrate, we do have think in the other's shoes as well. its time for me to give again. they say love's all about giving, and sometimes we have to give things that we find it really hard to, but thats what makes it precious isn't it?

i know it is. (: <33

Love. Control.

2008-04-09T18:13:00.003+08:00

SC investiture was today! =) love you guys man.

looking through some emails.

i know i have grown and matured. thinking, its important to think but don't spend time worrying about unneccesary stuff, if you do want to think, make sure its productive (:

2 important words in my life now, latest thanks to tze lin. first is LOVE. second is CONTROL.

i have always been sincere, and frank with my emotions, and i know that everyone has their own feelings and inner thoughts too, somehow i can sense them if i want to. i'm going to let some people out there know i really care about them.

My dear friend,

i am not sure whats the best way to care, but just like you said, do your best and put your heart into it. thats whats i have always been doing. its not just about me, its not about you either, its about US. WE are friends. not i am friends, you are friends.

i care, and you know it.

i just read in 'to kill a mockingbird' "Jem was trying hard to forget something, but what he was really doing was storing it away for a while, until enough time passed. Then he would be able to think about it and sort things out. When he was able to think about it, Jem would be himself again." That was what ahppened to me and Jun ya, and i'm glad we are on the way to mending our friendship now.

When i look into your eyes, i can tell that you care too. I wish i could help you to sort out your thoughts, and give your encouragement and support, as i did before. I shall try, but if some things really need to be thought out on your own, i can just sit by you quietly as i did.

Love doesn't always need to be said out, we both know it.

I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you may be happy, my friend.

doing what is right

2008-04-08T20:31:00.001+08:00

reading 'to kill a mocking bird' now. just like Atticus, we all try our best to do whats right. we caa only try our best and hope that others do understand

SC and DANCE

2008-04-07T23:52:00.001+08:00

LOVE SC!

LOVE DANCE!

i want to go learn dance at oschool asap! hahas got friends there waiting for me~~ and of cos me
myself can't wait to go!

sc ended at 10 30pm in sch today. woots! WE ROCK MAN!

SC S*X!

eventful days

2008-04-06T18:05:00.004+08:00

hahas, lately taiwan ppl came. got to see jack again! we went out quite a lot with zhen wie and his buddy michael. on fri, jack went out with others cos i had dance and SC. i made a speechd uring farewell dinner! dance was cool,w e did gymnastics, adn i can do handstand now! but need someone to hold me there hahas. sc dance went on well. i

on sat, went bowling at marina. hahas, oops had competition there! luckily after a HEAVY lunch, it ended. watcehd zhen wei and jack play time crisis 3, hahas i enver did complete that arcade game man. anyway, first bowling set i got 70+, 2nd set i got 62. However, i realised about the 5 step bowling method, hahas feels much better now.

as zhen wei said, its not just about scoring anymore, its about getting the technique right. reminds me of the song JH SC danced to, had a line," its not about teh future, its not about the past, its about making things last, last, last!"

anywya, after that we played pool. not bad hahas, i need to improve on my technique too though, lost to jack in 1 v 1, only ball left was black ball hahas. and after that feeling kinda sian, den we went off to concert. met jessica, yi hui and fiona from 4 L. so we went together, after a series of mix-ups and wrong turns, we finally arrived! :)

hahas den after the taiwan friends went in, we hanged around. was supposed to go emt jolyn and 4k friends, since most yr 5 friends not going, and those going kinda clique le...but jolyn didn't reply me! yet*

so i wrote cards with teh girls, while zhen wei and another guy and girl went off to old airport road with michael, i didn't wanna go to old airport road lah, sorry zhen wei. den we went off to marina, met soo many ppl there. brough presents :) hhaas then had dinner. scalded my hand ouch.

anyway the four of us then rannnnnnn to VCH. jessica's feet hurt cos of her shoes. met yixiang along the way. anyway we seperated upon getting in. SH and alumni band was wonderful! best music from DHSSB i ever heard. JH stilll good, last song about mountains not bad.

to yu ru, wei jie, zhi yin and xiao you, and all my band friends, that was touching music! :)

AND I MET XIU RONG! HAHAHAH BAKAA! so long never see u le~~~~~we talked and chatted and enjoyed eahc other's company. after that, on way home, we even had phone chat (: hahas anywya zhen wei and michael came to stay, too abd too tired to do much. slept.

sun morn we sent them off, seem to be parting with groups fo friends recently, but its not the end but the start of a new beginning! almost felt lost iun the big airport, thankfulyl daddy and mummy were there! i love you both! hahas, its nice to know family will always be there for each other, and i can always look for them no matter what happens. perhaps thats what friends might not be able to do.

Mr Ong once said regarding my thesis after i was awarded the gold award, "keep your head high even when there is no one to guide and help you. BE brave and move on! Jia You!"

sometimes i don't have confidence in myself,
i need to have self-confidence in the things i do.
thanks to all my friends whom were there for me,
i will willingly do the same for you too.
courage.
i want to work things out,
i want to understand,
i don't have the guidance i would like to have,
but at least i have got friends to support me!

so many sentences starting with "i", i am trying my best to think of others, i try my best to do my best for them, but somehow something is wrong.

i came across this, even though i am not a christian, i shall share it.

"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

let me know how to love others

2008-04-03T16:48:00.001+08:00

new skin

shall finsih changing soon!

missing you, my friend

2008-04-02T21:45:00.001+08:00

missing you, my friend

i still care. i always did. let the happy days come again.

2008-04-02T11:24:00.005+08:00

hahahs in com lab nowww.

finally got some time to rest oday. yesterday was soo stressed man. and rarr...have diorrhoea i think. oh no! sc meeting today leh! hope it heals very soon.

its been a week now, really sorted out my thoughts, and surprisingly, i'm much more clear-headed and happier now, found back my own rhythm. i guess i lost myself for a while, this vacation really did wonders. vacation 1 referring to EIE camp! hahas shall blog about that another time, vacation 2 referring to space apart.

i guess its time soon to put things right. its the end of the bottom of the curve, next shall go up up up. i dopn't have that heavy feeling in me anymore, hahas yay!!! and hmmm i started menidng hte friendship between me and an old good friend as well, hahas so i guess concurrent? mmm, hahas :)

SMILE AND BE HAPPY! :)

stressed up

2008-04-01T22:27:00.001+08:00

a nice photo by the river

hahas both red specs, cool right?

hahas, facing reality. handling my school work now.

hahas shall upload more photos next time. here ar ethe pics i tookw ith zuxin when i went out with her for CO concert. miss my 2b friends! including xiu rong too! ahhhh! hahas hope to go out wiht 2 of u soon! :)

back from vacation

2008-03-30T22:39:00.001+08:00

back from vacation, meaning EIE :)

2008-03-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

make big mistakes and big comebacks.

hope.

love you all SCs :)

wet and happy. happy birthday

2008-03-25T20:12:00.006+08:00

its been a while since i blogged. can't believe how many things i am being thrown at. open house--logistics. and meetings so alte.. hahas jus complaining, doesn't mean i lost the passion.

hw. chasing after deadlines. think maths test shld be ok

i don't want to think so far back. so shall blog about yesterday.

extra bio prac make up ended at 5. after that talked to puimun and friend and after that shi yun. den met yun xiu in canteen, anywya, after IA meeting ended at 630. meet some yr 3 eds girls and decided to go home with them. argh, why nv take bus?! it was pouring LOL!

hwee chian, xin wei, wen ting, and natalia. they just had dance hahas. wonder if i shall be performing on eds night. anyway we splashed baout in the rain. and they took the "shortcut". the one near the bball court. omg..hahas umbrella didn't keep them from getting wet , they were like drenched, i was okay though, our shoes were soaked. and we laughed.

i said its better to be wet and happy than wet and sad. and they agreed :)

today. Happy birthday yan lin! i prepared some things for yan lin's birthday. hope she liked them. it was my most succesful cake ever as well! :)

mass pe brought forward to 3 45. yay! hahsa after running and stuff, played table tennis with si hong, yong liang, tommy and joshua. almost 4c gathering hahas. almsot was king for one full cycle. den lost. lol! but yeah fun leh.

i'm sorry i made a mess of things, but i shall put things right, hopefully with your help.

2008-03-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

sc meeting today. ended so late. did quite some hw in school today. kinda sorted out my thoughts too. failed csc test again. got to jiayous! bye!

clear goals

2008-03-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

i'm clear about my goals now. much mroe clearer. and i know what steps to take.

have not been that productive lately. gotta buck up for hw as well! not gonna waste time, schedule!

:)

Love SC

2008-03-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

i went for Sc elections today

i didn't get a post. but i found love

<3 SC

back from camp

2008-03-14T22:49:00.003+08:00

back from SC camp, shall post about it soon. baiscally SC camp roocked! LOVE SC!

thank you pamela for listening! finally got it all out :)

let time work its magic

science symposium

2008-03-11T17:34:00.003+08:00

here's me and new hair style. should look better after i wax it!

today was science syposium at ACJC. didn't know what to expect. hahas, thanks dad for fetching me there! if not i would have to wake up at 6 30, ACJC is around Dunman High.

anyway, after some delay in teh sleepy morning today, i set off. after dad drove for 3 min, i felt for my phone and couldn't feel it, went back to get, and realised tis in my pocket. oh gosh -.-

hahas, anyway reached ACJC with a smile! met candis and fel tay and roy. hahas their student councillors are so friendly and helpful, as they were throughout the day. hanged around and finally met joshua mei, someone i was more clsoe to. we went to LT 4 and got a seat beside roy, dunno why he like to isolate himself, his character or no confidence? hmm...

anyway lecture turend out to be quite boring. was reading my stephen king book of short stories, den decided to take out..my maths homework! luckily i brought along heh heh, was so boring. den i did maths for most of teh time, almost finished whole worksheet le yay! not the tutorial lah. its trigo, really need to revise and rmb what i learnt in yr 4.

over speech was ok. 2nd speech abt history and rpesent was boring, not tah bad. then student's presentation i should have gone for Man And Science, but no one go with me. in the end went nanotechnology, physics really bored me out, kinda half asleep throughout. paid attention to the pointers for research though, about passion, perseverence, conscientiousness (being meticulous about everything) and other stuff. mmm think that i really more inclined toa rts..but score good grades in the subj i am in now first lah hahas!

2 endlecture was about technological singularity, roughly meaning machines take over world, like in Terminator, i-robot, etc. hahas the lecturer as great! humourous and charismatic and able to hold hour attention, quite thought provoking and many people asked questions and expressed opinions through the mike.

tea break and lunch was quite good. hahas si hong is so pig man. den we talking abt si hong with fel chen, joshua with gladine. den what waste styrofoam plate, next time live styrofoam house. den dorp jelly on floor, next time live in jelly house. den what 10 droplets of water for each of joshua's girlfriends? LOL! super funny lahs.

3rd lecture was BORING. about polymers and conduction of electricity. did hw like throughout. hahas. nobody asked questions afetrwards, was like so unattractive. i shall make my bsp presentation on saturday very engaging! ^^

hahas, den was quiz time. we smsed answers, and i won! woahhh! $30 book voucher leh! :) jocelyn also won, but they wrot ethe name wronglyu, so was like jocelyn tan from rgs..lols. in the end cleared up and she got her prize.

after quiz, syposium ended and we went home. raining lah. den we tried to get felciia and jocelyn to share umbrella with us and go home, but they paiseh, couldn't make them listen. so we 5 guys me, joshua, elvis, si hong and ben ng left first. was raining very heavily. den we realised bus stop was so far away. was sharing yumbrella with joshua, den eyeah got wet. we should have left turn! but we didn't! and si hong didn't shout loud enough. we walk and walk and walk, in the rain. and i was like laughing like crazy lols! so the enxt bus stop was like 500m away, woah. den they wanted to rest at petrol kiosk, but left only 150 m, so i made them press on. after we reached the bus stop, the rian began to lighten up. o.o ahhhh! get wet le leh~~ dne we have mini-blaming session, but ahhas, jsu for fun! harmony breeds prsoperity. took bus 200 to bouna vista.

den we took mrt home. talked abt stuff, like the camp joshua was planing for some pri sch sci camp. den transport like 1000 le, ouch, renting buses so ex. anyway apeaprs i was leading in hw, hahas so we trying to calm the stressful joshua down.

tmr is sc camp, and thurs too, fri morn end, den go for moe arts festival to perform dance. hahas busy busy, but happy ^^

sometimes we just need to believe

goals

2008-03-09T15:32:00.001+08:00

short term goal: finish all hw asap! at least 60% by monday night!

a bit long term goal (about one month) : get consistent good results for my tests, so i can go learn dance!

:)

happy hols!

2008-03-09T12:02:00.001+08:00

happy hols!

kaledioscope was great! many ppl complimented our dance group yay! and slacked around with the yr 4 SC juniors and joshua and shing, hahas ^^

syposium was not bad.

shall enjoy hols! ^^

hanging on no matter what

2008-03-08T18:53:00.002+08:00

broke down thrice in 3 days in a row. thanks to all for their care and concern.

stressed.

DON"T FORCE ME

when cornered, people do extreme stuff. so do i.

be professional. be mature. whatever.

i shall try to smile! :)

2 days

2008-03-05T22:26:00.004+08:00

choir promenade yesterday was great! hahas went with weijie! happy b'lated birthday again! ^^ hahas, hope jia hui is okay le. anyway after school, i studied for chem and csc test on teh following day. den me and wei jie go marina square eat and buy gifts for choir ppl. den we chiong to vch. wah concert jsut abt to start. saw many dunmanians, expected of cos! hahas

i always like choir concerts. 2nd one this time. i loved the high school musical medley! the west side story wa snot bad too. wah so touched, tearing a bit le. brought back so many memories and made me think about all those i care about and the future.

great concert choirsters!

today tests results for bio and maths got back not so good. maths barely apssed, bio failed by a bit, hopefulyl can get more marks after discussing with teacher.c sc test i did today was better than previous one i think, chem test careless, no full amrks le.

got to buck up! mayeb canot learn dance yet, seeing my aprents won't be pleased with the poor results. studied outside 4L today. many 4L and 4K ppl walked past me. and saw the smiley i dre and msg i wrote to all passers-by. hahas wrote encouragement msg for myself too! ^^

nice day. got to chiong bsp syposium powerpoint. glad that ig ot in, even though its a reponsibility. got home late due to sc meeting,a ctualyl left a little earlier.

jiayous mq! u can do it! :)

dance in your passion

2008-03-03T21:46:00.002+08:00

hahas, just watched a move "dirty dancing", here's one of the theme songs. and since hui han recommends more pictures, this will have to do for now!

hahas speaking of hips don't lie, reminds me of 2 things. one: a joke yl told me:

Q: which body aprt is most honest?
A: your hips. cos hips don't lie.

lols! another things is that my hips hurt. from dancing. hahas, shall be learning dance at oschool soon! as soon as my good results come out! sounds confident right? and i stopped thinking so much. sometimes there's no such thing as try, you either do it or you don't do it. do it! :)

just do what you want. hahas, thats what i like about dance, self-expression with confidence!

busy sat

2008-03-01T23:04:00.002+08:00

dance today was great! love dance! its exhilarating when you move to the right beat, just pa pa pa, hahas! went to samantha's house at kembangan, super near mrt, we used aerobics room there. thinking of learning outside.

afterwards was SC meeting, today i said soem stuff, meeting was quite productive also.

busy sat. slept 12 hrs eysterday. hahsa quite happy now. oh and talked to mabel for a while on way home!

hahas good night!

another day

2008-02-28T19:19:00.002+08:00

another day. ups and downs. hahas, days are getting happier. =) getting busier too. thinking still takes up my time.

abt yesterday, its been nice chatting to lee jia hui on way home ! celebrated daniel's birthday by taking video with the IA peeps, cos he went home liao. ate the cake! hahas yay~ oh yeah hahsa kinda reversing time and thinking back of the day. ermm, i fixed the hall door for the table tennis people,w as thinking whether top help, cos well..but anyway decided to help lah hahas. their coach said i was professional? lols. now i repair stuff le ah? can go work!

today was rather ok. very tired again. next week dad can fetch me to mrt again shall have 30 min more sleep. yawnnn. chem was well, practcial fun, but mr tioah pissed with class cos many of us not working hard enough. had extra make up lessons after class as well! hahas i love chem actually, fav subjetc. never thought it would be so, lols!

yeah, hahas gonna rest, see ya~

work

2008-02-23T12:12:00.002+08:00

missed dance yesterday, couldn't go back in time. and bsp workshop. dun cares abt workshop lols. went to support table tennis team in match again. it was for dhs, friends, and myself. dhs lost 4-1, yl's doubles won ^^ really makes me wonder, its me thats stopping myself from becoming better isn't it? sometimes thinking makes us so afraid. stepping out of my comfort zone. oh zzz, yesterday din cheer so much hahas, got pangseh somemore, but at least i trie dahrder than usual. =)

its time i stared work again. not been working hard this past week. maths and bio test next week, got to make it count! at least i'm going out tmr! =) otherwise, this weekend is gonna be all about studies. take my mind off other things for now. sc open house planning started as well too, hahas coincidentally working with mr lu han lin? hmmm, suddenly life recently got entwined with him. hahas, working on friendships still, getting better.

was feeling sad, sick, tired and a little hungry on the way back to sch after sc meeting. but i was still okay! hahas, i found myself again, really. the never-die spirit, i have never yet totally gave up before on anything, and its gonna stay that way! persevere and stay positive! tmr shall be a better day! was walking against the flow of dunmanian traffic, saying hi to all to person after person i knew, exchanging short conversations with them, showing we care for each other. it made me feel a whole lot better. there are many things for me to be happy about!

if grades not good, life gonna be stressful. got to stay healthy! so i can do the things i want to. this cough gotta go, the flu actually. for the sake of doing the things i want to, i shall go study hard and get good results!

dunman all the way! ^^

chingay 08!

2008-02-20T21:00:00.003+08:00

chinagy was fun! so high man! and got to know more friends better, like ivan hu, wai siang, nicholas, jia hui, yao lu, si min, elvina, chin yi, jocelyn, charmaine, and many more! made a few new friends too, chee huan, jia hui and janelle.

hahas, it was really fun two nights. performed till 10+. friday was preview, and before that went to ivan's house for mahjong! was quite fun hanging out with friends, chatted, sang, and jus enjoyed ourselves! mmm, thanks for commenting that i looked ncie with my new hairstyle ppl! hahas, shall try to learn to style my hair. anyway simin, elvina, ivan and i also slipepd out to buy snacks and drinks, hahsa water was such a precious resource!

sat was actual thing, went for dance before going to si min's house. hahas was listening to her play guitar. we put on make up and set off! i had ermm glitter eye liner, eye shadow, gold and purple hair! we took photos today, and couldn't slip out to buy anything hahhas. so we chatted. we got very high and happy!! so ncie to perform, and the crowd was high too!

after everthing, went back to simin's house. had supper with nicholas, hong sheng, ivan, si min, chin yi, elvina and shi ning. hahas chatted for a while, den went home by mrt with chin yi and elvina.

hahsa really miss chingay, what a good chance to ahng out with friends. but shall still see you all in school! yay =)

choice to be happy

2008-02-19T20:43:00.000+08:00

although i am hurt, there are still many things that i am happy about. makes my own hurt feel lesser when cheering others up too! :)

table tennis match, friendship day!

2008-02-14T20:51:00.005+08:00

yesterday was quite a great day! after the usual lessons, left with mabel from bio lecture to go welcome the VIPS for assembly. i lead the Lituenant colonel Frederick Teo around, hahas was a little nervous, but after talking to mabel, tze lin, joel and ben goh, calmed down a bit. in fact i felt it was quite relaxing, takes my mind off things. assembly was quite fun and engaging, and ppl asked difficult questions.

after that i went to support table tennis match! dhs vs nge ann, althugh chung cheng main and plmgs were playing at another table. hmmm, had quite a few dunmanians at first. we were watching from level 3, in the end we went into the hall. at first just went to support yan lin, but in the end its support dunman high! hahas for a greater purpose! at first well kinda not so engaging i feel, and no cheering!

then mr lu, mrs cheah, mr teo and mr low were commenting on that. well so we tried to birng up the atmosphere,. i was feeling unconfident of lead the cheer, depsite encouragement from mr lu and mrs cheah. but later i made some friends! kelly was the first. then there was also deborah, jia ying and nicole. anywya we formed the cheer team! 德明加油! 好球，漂亮，再来一粒! 把握! oh, at the last match, there was sth new, dunman...sha! whatever that means lah. lols.

and deborah commented i sound gay, cos she ehard someone shout during her match (it was me) and was thinking whom it was. eh i sore throat stilll cheer okay! hahas, super funny to cheer together. and have to be fast, can only cheer between each ball. den often had to like cut short the cheer or just stop halfway for fear of distractions. anyway, we crapped quite a bit as well, the few of us. hahas i was like the only male student in the hall? and one of the few non-table tennis peeps. yan lin won her doubles match! hahas she looks so seh when she serves the ball! hahas yay! and that was the second last match. i rmb a match when a girl lost 2 sets, then won the next 3, lasts et she won 11-0. like wow?! last match was dhs team captain yu ting vs another girl. wah, so hiong, really finale. but i'm glad to say yu ting won, and dhs won overal 4-1! :)

hahas, helped clear up the hall after that. so fun mans, didn't think i would enjoy myself so much, nice to feel the dunmanian spirit! =) made new friends too!

friendship day was today. we celebrated rache's birthday, woah, she's like showered with gifts! i sent out some cards, thanks tze lin for her mighty beans, thanks 4c angel for food, thanks candis (5c42 angel) for her sweets and cloth flower, yan lin for her card and belated birthday cake, and shea jean and shun ying for offering our class sweets, and to all whom wished me happy valentine's and friendship day! i shall treasure my friends!

Happy Friendship Day to all!

2008-02-12T20:56:00.001+08:00

stop crying.